Apparently the IRS is so overworked that they are now using a prerecorded message to inform people that they are being sued.
I thought it’d be fun to learn more about which of my dastardly deeds I was in trouble for so I decided to give the number a call.
1-206-899-6295
That isn’t even an IRS office number and they would surely have the courtesy of using a toll-free number if they did want me to call them, right?
*Ring*
*Ring*
IRS Officer in his best Indian-sounding accent: GarbledJumble-dee-gook.
Me: “Who is this?”
Dial-tone.
Well, son of a bitch. I’ll be damned if the IRS is going to hang up on me! Don’t they know who I am?
1-206-899-6295
*Ring*
*Ring*
…. and so on until *Fast-Busy*
Oh no! I hope I’m not too late!
1-206-899-6295
*Ring*
*Ring*
Less Indian-Sounding Mark: “IRS Department, Officer Mark speaking.”
Me: “hahahahahahha good one.”
Sorry, the name he chose threw me into a laughing fit. I had to hang up.
Damn it. I had recorded my call but didn’t turn on the microphone.
Basically it went like this:
Richard Wilsone: “Hello, IRS Department.”
Me: “Yes, I’m calling about filing a lawsuit against you.”
RW: Laughing
Me: “What’s funny? This is serious business!”
RW: “Yes, that is the first time I have heard you are to be suing me!”
Me: Laughing, “yeah, I figured I’d be first. Tell me, how does this work?”
RW: “I do not be knowing what you mean?”
Me: “Come on, if I call and say, I received a call from the IRS about a lawsuit, what do you do first? How can I make it go away?”
RW: “Ok sir, well you take a rope and you go to the nearest house and you hang from it.”
Me: “Ok, and should I be touching myself when I do this?”
RW: “No…? What does this mean?”
Me: “Nevermind… so, I take a rope, hang myself. This will make my IRS problems disappear?”
RW: “Oh yes, because you will already be in hell.”
Me: Laughing.
RW: Laughing. “Ok really, so where are you from?”
Me: “India. My name is Suresh Gupta.”
RW: “I think you are having fun with me. What is that place?”
Me: “You’ve never heard of the country India?”
RW: “No, this is the first time I hear of such a place.”
Me: “…”
RW: “…”
We talked, we laughed… I think we might be dating now. Look, it’s complicated.
He wanted me to talk to him more because he liked me. I think I was the first person he could screw around with on the phone who wasn’t calling in crying or worried about being sued. I don’t know what predicament Richard Wilson is in that he must take these calls and convince people to give him money but I hope he gets out of it soon.
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