Monday, February 22, 2016

Looks like the IRS called to tell me they're filing a lawsuit against me!

Apparently the IRS is so overworked that they are now using a prerecorded message to inform people that they are being sued.


I thought it’d be fun to learn more about which of my dastardly deeds I was in trouble for so I decided to give the number a call.


1-206-899-6295


That isn’t even an IRS office number and they would surely have the courtesy of using a toll-free number if they did want me to call them, right?


*Ring*


*Ring*


IRS Officer in his best Indian-sounding accent: GarbledJumble-dee-gook.


103108958-GettyImages-471197539.530x298Me: “Who is this?”


Dial-tone.


 


 


 


Well, son of a bitch. I’ll be damned if the IRS is going to hang up on me! Don’t they know who I am?


1-206-899-6295


*Ring*


*Ring*


…. and so on until *Fast-Busy*


 


Oh no! I hope I’m not too late!


1-206-899-6295


*Ring*


*Ring*


Less Indian-Sounding Mark: “IRS Department, Officer Mark speaking.”


Me: “hahahahahahha good one.”


Sorry, the name he chose threw me into a laughing fit. I had to hang up.


 


Damn it. I had recorded my call but didn’t turn on the microphone.


Basically it went like this:


Richard Wilsone: “Hello, IRS Department.”


Me: “Yes, I’m calling about filing a lawsuit against you.”fonejacker


RW: Laughing


Me: “What’s funny? This is serious business!”


RW: “Yes, that is the first time I have heard you are to be suing me!”


Me: Laughing, “yeah, I figured I’d be first. Tell me, how does this work?”


RW: “I do not be knowing what you mean?”


Me: “Come on, if I call and say, I received a call from the IRS about a lawsuit, what do you do first? How can I make it go away?”


RW: “Ok sir, well you take a rope and you go to the nearest house and you hang from it.”


Me: “Ok, and should I be touching myself when I do this?”


RW: “No…? What does this mean?”


Me: “Nevermind… so, I take a rope, hang myself.  This will make my IRS problems disappear?”


RW: “Oh yes, because you will already be in hell.”


Me: Laughing.


RW: Laughing. “Ok really, so where are you from?”


Me: “India. My name is Suresh Gupta.”


RW: “I think you are having fun with me. What is that place?”


Me: “You’ve never heard of the country India?”


RW: “No, this is the first time I hear of such a place.”


Me: “…”


RW: “…”


We talked, we laughed… I think we might be dating now. Look, it’s complicated.


 


He wanted me to talk to him more because he liked me.  I think I was the first person he could screw around with on the phone who wasn’t calling in crying or worried about being sued. I don’t know what predicament Richard Wilson is in that he must take these calls and convince people to give him money but I hope he gets out of it soon.


 


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