Monday, February 22, 2016

Looks like the IRS called to tell me they're filing a lawsuit against me!

Apparently the IRS is so overworked that they are now using a prerecorded message to inform people that they are being sued.

I thought it’d be fun to learn more about which of my dastardly deeds I was in trouble for so I decided to give the number a call.


That isn’t even an IRS office number and they would surely have the courtesy of using a toll-free number if they did want me to call them, right?



IRS Officer in his best Indian-sounding accent: GarbledJumble-dee-gook.

103108958-GettyImages-471197539.530x298Me: “Who is this?”





Well, son of a bitch. I’ll be damned if the IRS is going to hang up on me! Don’t they know who I am?




…. and so on until *Fast-Busy*


Oh no! I hope I’m not too late!




Less Indian-Sounding Mark: “IRS Department, Officer Mark speaking.”

Me: “hahahahahahha good one.”

Sorry, the name he chose threw me into a laughing fit. I had to hang up.


Damn it. I had recorded my call but didn’t turn on the microphone.

Basically it went like this:

Richard Wilsone: “Hello, IRS Department.”

Me: “Yes, I’m calling about filing a lawsuit against you.”fonejacker

RW: Laughing

Me: “What’s funny? This is serious business!”

RW: “Yes, that is the first time I have heard you are to be suing me!”

Me: Laughing, “yeah, I figured I’d be first. Tell me, how does this work?”

RW: “I do not be knowing what you mean?”

Me: “Come on, if I call and say, I received a call from the IRS about a lawsuit, what do you do first? How can I make it go away?”

RW: “Ok sir, well you take a rope and you go to the nearest house and you hang from it.”

Me: “Ok, and should I be touching myself when I do this?”

RW: “No…? What does this mean?”

Me: “Nevermind… so, I take a rope, hang myself.  This will make my IRS problems disappear?”

RW: “Oh yes, because you will already be in hell.”

Me: Laughing.

RW: Laughing. “Ok really, so where are you from?”

Me: “India. My name is Suresh Gupta.”

RW: “I think you are having fun with me. What is that place?”

Me: “You’ve never heard of the country India?”

RW: “No, this is the first time I hear of such a place.”

Me: “…”

RW: “…”

We talked, we laughed… I think we might be dating now. Look, it’s complicated.


He wanted me to talk to him more because he liked me.  I think I was the first person he could screw around with on the phone who wasn’t calling in crying or worried about being sued. I don’t know what predicament Richard Wilson is in that he must take these calls and convince people to give him money but I hope he gets out of it soon.