Saturday, May 28, 2016

Sunsets, Landscapes, Yawning Chasms and just plain yawning.

I don’t like sunsets, sunrises or landscape scenery.soudan-underground-mine

Me and my wife, Toni, were racing our sailboat Wednesday night when two young men on our crew started commenting on the amazing sunset. I looked, saw the sun going down and was like … “uh… yeah?”2016-05-28 13_43_43-Little_Gasparilla_sunrise.jpg (2592×1944)

Do you think mountain vistas or sunsets are the most amazing thing or are you like me and think… “uh… yea?”

The one “landscape” I find interesting and most thought provoking isn’t a landscape at all, it’s being out in the ocean with no land in sight. An aquascape?

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Sunsets, Landscapes, Yawning Chasms and just plain yawning.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Special Intergalactic Travel Alert

The Definitive Intergalactic Council of Kakistocracy and Safety has emitted a class 5 avoidance order for the third planet in the Sol system, commonly referred to as Earth, inhabited by a variety of flora and fauna including Humans.

Humans are a level 3 virus.

DICKS would like you to view this disturbing video of the Earthvirus in action.

WARNING: This video contains graphic and disturbing images. Viewer discretion is advised. Aquatic dwelling beings are strongly encouraged to avoid viewing this video.


What the Earthvirus is calling a “tubing adventure”, allows them to pollute, corrupt and destroy their way deep into the remote rainforests in Hawaii. DICKS are taking a hard stance against this behavior.

Soon there will be no place on Earth untouched by the insidious and insatiable Earthvirus.


There is a no known cure for Earthvirus and this planet should be avoided at all costs.  

DICKS notes how Humanvirus builds in number before unleashing upon the unsuspecting natural surroundings.


Note how the Humanviri with a red colored reproductive system prepares to enter his protective device.

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 The Humanvirus is unstoppable in their protective flotation shell.

This horrible Humanviri appears completely blissful in her hardened head covering as she penetrates deep into nature.

This horrible Humanviri appears completely blissful in her hardened head covering as she penetrates deep into nature.


An army of Humanviri doing their best to do their worst.

An army of Humanviri doing their best to do their worst.

Transporting Earthvirus to any of the following planet types is strictly forbidden under penalty of planetary bombardment by DICKS:

  • Terrestrial or any Class L or M body

  • Transitional (excluding plasmatic)

DICKS encourage you to transport any Humanvirus you come across directly to the nearest acidic/basic or elemental body, active star or gaseous giant.

Transportation of Humanvirus is strictly forbidden and punishable by Thorough Insertion Pain.

Allowing a Humanvirus to live outside of their Earth planet is strictly forbidden and punishable by TIP.

Not transporting any located Humanviri to the nearest inhospitable planet or star is punishable by more TIP.

Best to just avoid this planet.

Special Intergalactic Travel Alert

Saturday, May 7, 2016

First time sailing! Piece of cake.

So I went sailing today with my wife. Today was the first time I’d ever been sailing and it was amazingly cool.

I woke up this morning planning on making the 1-2 hour trek south to Fort Lauderdale with the kids so they could see the air show. I wouldn’t sail down, because I have no idea how to sail but I do have a motor…


If anyone is a “dude”, it’s this guy



While I had my wife hoisted up the mast to change the bulbs, this dude comes paddle-boarding up and says, “you want a hand with the winch?”

I’m like, uh, “you calling my wife a wench?”

Then I figure, “yes! That’d be awesome!” — The winch, not the wench.


He paddled up behind my boat and put his board under my dock. I’m holding my wife about 3/4 the way to the top but this guy boards the boat and steals all the glory by hoisting her up the rest of the way.

“Sure,” I think, “I do all the hard work and this guy gets all the gratitude.”  I tell him, “I’m Chad, my wife, up there,” and I gestured to the top of the mast, “That’s Toni.”

“Ben,” he responds. He then asks me, “How long have you had the boat?”

“Oh, two or three weeks.”

“I see. Great looking boat! You have sailing experience?” He asks.

I’m thinking, “Oh yeah, I’ve done the ARC three times solo and I regularly circumnavigate,” but I said, “I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, why? Do you sail?” I asked hopefully.

Turns out, honesty was the way to go because Ben, says, “That’s my trimaran over there.” He gestured off to a sailboat I’d been salivating over for a couple of weeks.

The next few exchanges are a little hazy in my memory because I could already feel the rush of true love coursing through my veins.  Well, not love but I had a really good feeling about this guy. I asked or he offered, I think I asked, “I don’t suppose you’d like to go out and show us the ropes would you?” He didn’t even flinch at the horrible pun.

Ben said, “When are you thinking of going out?”

I look up at my wife, at the top of the mast and tell him, “as soon as she gets down!”

After all was said and done, he offered to take us out for a couple hours just after lunch. We got out onto the water and Ben told me to put her into the wind.

Oh… yeah, I know what that’s all about! I sent my wife forward to watch and learn from Ben as he hoisted the mainsail.

He bent down into the cockpit and told me, “ok, ease off the engine… actually, shut her down. That’s what we have sails for!”

So I reached over and pressed the black button that turns off my engines. Silence. I look at the GPS and it’s reading 2.7 knots.  A smile appears or remains on my face as I realize I’m sailing.

Ben smiles and says, “hey, let’s the do the jib!”

I’m really liking this guy’s attitude! Hell yes, let’s do the jib!  Let’s do ALL THE THINGS!

We ended up sailing for about 3 hours.  We managed to reach 7.6 knots and traveled 13.4 nautical miles.13151436_10154172412541667_9096963917720189075_n

We did the mainsail, jib, close-hauled, beam reach and even a little running with gull wings or sail-to-sail or whatever it’s called when you’re a bad-ass.

First time sailing! Piece of cake.